In 2018 our team is going to be all about TOADS. Just when you thought management bullshit couldn’t get any better.
TOADS? You ask. Let me relay how I heard my manager’s pep talk…
"You need to finish yesterday what I give you tomorrow. Whereas I will generally be rude, late and ignore your emails. Similarly anything my boss gives me is now your priority."
"You need to take responsibility for all tasks across the team and at all levels. You should be proud to do the things that no-one else wants to do or cares about. Similarly if you aren’t giving up your holiday, neglecting your children or your health, you definitely aren’t a team player."
"Forget the fact I’ve taken two-thirds of your staff away and relocated them elsewhere. You should be doing twice as much as last year. Also anything that is low-profile or uninteresting, I’ll be sure to throw that your way too."
"Again, focused on the juniors, someone might ask questions… Anyway, there should be a totally flat team, you must ensure that everyone does everything. We must also be sure to elevate the cheap juniors and run down the expensive seniors. No-one should have an ego. Except me."
"We have limited time. So we must be sure to squeeze all the juice we can. So plan and be efficient. Or rather, I’ll plan, give out tasks to do, then pick the parts I want and discard the rest. However don't forget that enough is never enough, so I suggest you try really hard or just give up now."
Now I’m not sure it was meant to sound like that. But the guy is definitely the King of Tools.
Anyway, time to share the good news with my team. It's going to be a fun year.