Would you like to join the baddest, coolest, most vibrant company of the interwebs? Of course you would.
White Collar Zombie is looking for an experienced Computer Programmer Ninja with a magical talent for making things that don't work work. Are you ready to literally set our network on fire? (not literally)
Please note that your experience may differ from the image above.
At WCZ we believe that computers and the internet are going to fundamentally alter the way people work and communicate. In the near future, people will not wait hours to read tomorrow's newspaper. Increasingly, they will turn to the so-called "world wide web" for the information they need. Sounds crazy, but just wait!
Do you want to be a part of these exciting changes?
As our systems engineer, you will be the guiding light for the rest of us at WCZ who are still mourning the death of the floppy disk.
Your creative talent, mathematical brilliance and supreme architectural vision will drive WCZ's digital offerings straight into the 21st century. And, if you perform well, beyond.
In addition to designing our entire digital infrastructure and single-handedly ensuring the survival of our online business capabilities, you may also be required on occasion to "get your hands dirty".
Additional tasks may include: retrieving unsaved files lost by the Editor, replacing the Editor's keyboard on "low patience days" and debugging some of the less-well-ventilated parts of the office.
- Masters degree and/or postgrad studies in Computer Science, Systems Engineering or similar
- God-like strategic vision combined with meticulous down-to-earth practical skills
- Lots of experience in fixing things that refuse to work (printers especially, but also office lighting and air conditioning units)
- [add required coding languages here - just copy/paste from a job description at Google]
- Able to teach the Editor the nuance between download and upload
- Able to guarantee that nothing will go wrong with any system that we touch, ever
- All our computer people are expected to be bug-free so as not to infect our systems
- Great people skills, including with the living dead
What we offer
- The opportunity to be a part of a teck-savvy company
- ABOVE-average salary (relative to the company)
- Share-participation scheme (century-long vesting, 10-year cliff, includes clawbacks)
- Kitchen facilities
- Great perks including coffee machine, vending machines, seating area, free bicycle parking, *NEW* illuminated restroom mirror...
If this sounds like you and you can't wait to join White Collar Zombie as our new Computer Administrator Rockstar, we look forward to receiving your application!
Even though we're absolutely desperate for someone with your skills to join our company as soon as possible, you should be aware that we're expecting lots of applications so don't get too cute. We're very picky.
Please include CV, cover letter and some plausible evidence that you understand IT stuff better than we do.
You should send your application by email to: email@example.com
You will potentially hear back from us soon. Good luck.